Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
