We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
