I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
