Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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