Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
