some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
