Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
