his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
