all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
