Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
