when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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