Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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