enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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