If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize