That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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