Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
