omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
