You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
