I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
