My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
