best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
