i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
