did you get engaged???
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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