i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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