I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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