Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
