yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
