I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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