i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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