THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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