Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do vagina's smell?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
