his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
