that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
