i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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