I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
