Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
