Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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