hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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