i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
