OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
