Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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