I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
