I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
