I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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