Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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