You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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