I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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