Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
