we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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