I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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