At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
