So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
