how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize