the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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