people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
