I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
