Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
