dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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