I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
