Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
