Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
