I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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