Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
