I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
