did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
