wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
