nut hugger
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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