allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
