I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
