yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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