I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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