Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
