dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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