it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize